Your personal power is all about having self-confidence and be able to be your true self in all aspects of your life. From the time we are born, we will be raised to be a version of ourselves that please others. Whether it comes from the way, you interact with your family or how you were taught in school. We learn to put a mask on and be an actor in our life.
Unfortunately, that behavior will not lead you to be happy and live a fulfilling life. With commitment, vulnerability, and curiosity, you will be able to be the best version of yourself and put away the mask that you’ve to wear for much too long. Are you ready to claim your personal power?
Then let’s start with this 5-step guide!
Step 1: Assess Yourself
Have you ever felt like your behavior and the way that you held yourself varied depending on who is around you and where you are?
We tend to play a different role when we are with individuals that we want to please or want to make sure that they like us. For example, you might behave in a completely different way if you are at work or with people you just met and want to be friends with them. We tend to be ourselves when we are at home or with childhood friends. That is when we let our guards down and become more vulnerable and less worried about how others might perceive us.
The following questions will help you identify which area of your life you are the best version of yourself. The answer is yes or no, pick the answer the closest to how you feel (mostly yes or mostly no).
|Business, Career and Professional World|
|Are you satisfied with your work?|
|Do you get along with your colleagues?|
|Do you know what you want to do for work?|
|Love and Romantic Relationship|
|Are you experiencing happiness in love?|
|Do you feel like you can be yourself in a love relationship?|
|Do you feel like you have a connection with your family?|
|Can you be yourself around your family?|
|Do you trust your friends?|
|Would you say that the level of “give and take” in your friendship is balanced between you and them?|
|Acquaintances and Neighbours|
|Do you stay true to yourself when you meet new people? (Meaning you don’t change your demeanour.)|
|Are you honest with yourself when you meet someone new that you don’t like? (Meaning you don’t try to convince yourself that you need to give them a chance.)|
|Do you appreciate your physical body?|
|Would you say you have healthy self-talk?|
|Compile all the “yes” and “no” from each section.|
The more “yes” you have, the easier it is for you to be yourself. The goal is to be your true self in all spheres of your life. Based on that quick survey, which area of your life has more “NO”? Keep that in mind; we hope that by the end of reading this book, you are more comfortable being yourself in that area of your life (1).
Step 2: Explore Your Internal Reality
In the previous step, you’ve learned a little bit more about yourself in various situations of life. Let’s continue on this journey to honesty and discovery. Being dishonest is one of the most common mistakes we make in life that keeps our power at bay.
It takes a long time to realize that the external world is a projection of what is happening internally. Since the external world is a pure reflection of us, it can give us a lot of information about ourselves when we take the time to observe and be aware. But we have to take the time to reflect and be honest about what we truly feel inside.
For example, if you hate your job, it could be a sign that you technically don’t recognize your skills and abilities. That you are unable to clearly see what you are capable of and therefore settle for jobs that you dislike. It’s almost like you are creating your own misery.
Take a moment to list two things that you dislike in your life.
Now that you’ve listed a few things you would like to change about your life. Let’s reflect on what this means regarding your internal reality.
Here are a few examples of what could potentially be the projection.
|External Projection||Internal Reality|
|My friends don’t listen to me or don’t want to hear from me; it’s always about them.|
I tend to forget about my needs and always try to please others. I have a hard time putting myself as a priority.
Every romantic partner I had, I did everything they wanted and always tried to please them, but they never gave the same amount of effort in the relationship. Why is it that I can’t get what I offer?
|I believe that I cannot be loved for myself. Therefore, I have to be another person to be liked. I have to act in a certain way to receive love.|
Now, your turn to dig deep and find what your external world is telling you about your internal reality:
|External Projection||Internal Reality|
Another aspect that can help us discover our personal power is to learn to tame our triggers.
Step 3: Tame Your Triggers
Are there some subjects that you avoid discussing with others because you know you will be angry or frustrated? Do you sometimes find yourself easily offended by others? Learning your triggers will help you to move from being reactive to claiming your personal power.
When we are triggered by something external to us, we tend to blame others for what we are experiencing. Blaming others for our state of mind and situation is living a victim mindset. The faster you can learn to stop reacting to others; the faster your mindset will shift to be more in alignment with your true self.
First, you have to accept that the only things you can change in this world are your behavior, your mindset, and your communication style. As you probably know by now, you have no control over other people’s behavior or mind. Make a decision now that you will no longer blame your problems on external factors.
Let’s list those things that trigger an emotional reaction in you. Try to be as specific as possible by using an example to explain the trigger.
I tend to react emotionally to the following:
Now, what do you think those triggers say about your internal reality? What is the source of that emotional reaction that is sometimes dramatic?
It’s not always easy, but when you face your emotional triggers, you bring it to light and immediately allow yourself to shine brighter than ever! It gives you the space to heal deep wounds and claim your personal power.
Step 4: Heal Your Wounds
Wounds from the past are significant barriers to claiming your powers. According to a French author named Lise Bourbeau, five wounds can limit us in our life if we don’t take the time to recognize and heal them. Those wounds are abandonment, rejection, injustice, humiliation, and betrayal (2).
Let’s explore each one of those wounds and see if you related to some of them.
Rejection is a profound wound because the one who suffers from it feels rejected in his being and especially in his right to exist. In terms of behavior, they often doubt their right to exist. They seek solitude because if they receive a lot of attention, they would be afraid of not knowing what to do.
They don’t know what to do with themselves when they get too much attention. It is not unusual for them to live in ambivalence; when they are accepted, they won’t believe it and often create a self-sabotaging situation so that others reject them.
People with the injustice wound are usually rigid and lack flexibility. Often a perfectionist and envious. These persons tend to cut themselves off from their feelings and often cross their arms. They try to be perfect and justifies themselves a lot. They find it difficult to admit that they have problems. They often doubt their choices.
They like order and tend to control themselves by demanding a lot from each other. They can be angry and cold and has difficulty showing affection. It is often difficult for people with the injustice wound to accept compliments, help, or gifts from others because they feel in debt toward the person after.
People with humiliation wounds are often ashamed of themselves and others or afraid to shame others. They think they are dirty or unclean. They don’t want to recognize and assume their sensuality and their love of the pleasures associated with the senses.
That is why they often compensate and reward themselves with food. And they gain weight quickly to give themselves a reason not to enjoy their senses. They are also afraid of being “punished” if they enjoy life too much. So, they ignore their freedom by putting the needs of others before their own, so that they stop enjoying life.
The wound experienced in the case of abandonment is the second deepest after that of rejection because they both affect the being at a profound level. Those who suffer from abandonment do not feel emotionally nourished enough. They need constant help and support. They think that they cannot do anything on their own and regularly needs someone to support them. They tend to dramatize a lot: the smallest little incident takes on gigantic proportions. In a group, they like to talk about themselves and often brings everything back to them. Besides, they usually seek the opinion or approval of others before making decisions.
Betrayal (or Treason)
The wound of betrayal is intimately related to the wound of abandonment.
Very uncompromising, they want to show others what they are capable of. They often interrupt and respond before a person is finished. When things don’t go fast enough to their liking, they become angry. They hate not being trusted and do not always keep their commitments and promises or forces themselves to keep them.
It is essential to know what your wounds are to identify your limits and what obstacles stop you from claiming your power. By being aware of your behaviors and wounds, you are getting to know yourself better and also understanding why you tend to behave in specific ways.
Step 5: Connect With You Authentic Self
Authentic people are genuine, real, and mostly, in integrity with themselves. They don’t try to be someone they are not or please people they don’t know. For them, being different is not an issue nor something they thrive to be; they are just themselves, and that’s where personal power comes from.
Authentic people also love doing what they enjoy and don’t try to copy others’ ideas for the sake of being successful. Their success comes from doing what is in their heart, what drives them, as opposed to what inspire others or the majority.
Take a moment to list three things that make you happy and fulfill a space in your heart:
Now find ways to do more of that. When you do the things that you love, you are claiming your power.
In conclusion, claiming your personal power is not an objective that you can necessarily achieve overnight. First, you have to accept that you are not perfect, and perfection will never be your truth. As you have learned from this 5-steps guide, claiming your personal power is not about perfection but more about finding your true self. No matter what, don’t forget you got this and embrace yourself today!